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2 !_love?
mahh [20 May 2006|11:43am]
[ mood | cold ]

hey.
i dont write in this anymore.
well, i'm going to now because i'm bored.
yesterday was prom. it was an okay time, i suppose. i made my date feel like shit, my date made me feel like shit, but i still am gonna go with it being an overall good time, thanks to kenya. we had fun, atleast.
i think i'm finally coming to terms with the seniors graduating and going away to college. it's just something we all have to do after highschool. i'll miss seeing them every day, but thats okay; i'll deal with it.
haha, i messed up walking in the prominade thing and i was looking at the wrong camera. well, i felt like a fool, but i suppose that i dont care at all. haha.
this morning i was awoken at 630 am and wisked away to shady maple for breakfast with kaela cody and unkie. it was fun. i was really tired though, cause i didnt fall asleep til about 230 last night.
today i work 4-8 which sucks, cause i really wanted to go to my friends' joint bday party they were having today. i miss them. and the one is prego, so i really wanna get closer with her. i love babies. (hah). after work, me and danielle are hanging out with good people. i dont know who/what we're doing, but it's always a good time with my loves<3. gahh, i love my friends so much.
i have so much homework to do tomorrow. well, whatever it will keep me occupied. i'm gonna go now, lata

ps. i really dont see how people can fail a grade. why the hell wouldnt you want to atleast try at school? you only get to go through highschool once, and it's free for you if you go to public school, and it's really not THAT bad, cause they give you a 3 month long vacation at the end of it and you make amazing friends during the time of it happening. well, people are dumb. that is my conclusion to this entry.

1 !_love?
the best part of what has happened was the part i must have missed. [26 Mar 2006|09:31pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

you know what i find myself thinking about alot lately? death. it's weird, like, anyone in the world could die at this very second. anyone. it's a really scary thought, to think that someone you love and care for alot, could all of a sudden not be there anymore. it makes you realize that you cant just take people for granted, or let a moment go by where you dont let them know, in some way, that you love them. [sidenote: i love you.]
i'm also always wondering what my funeral would be like if i died, like this very moment. it scares me that i wonder about it so much, but i cant help it. i dont know if other people wonder about theres, but it's just so weird. i want to know who would care if i died, who would come to my funeral, who would say something at my funeral, who would cry, what people would say about me, what the school would do about it, etc. i dont know, i sometimes wish i could die, but not really stop living... just to see what would happen.

it's so weird how you can be really close with someone, and not even a month later, be barely even good friends. it's really hard to deal with. i wish time could stop when you wanted it to, and nothing would change, when you wanted it to. then, when you wanted to move on with time, you could. maybe the lack of an ability to control time makes people who they are. it makes them appreciate more, but also makes them more quick about things. sometimes i dont think people enjoy things they do because they do them too quickly. time goes by too fast, and i dont like that aspect of life, at all.
why do things always have to change? i'm deff. not one to deal with change very well.

it's so weird how a simple cd can make you feel so good, even when you're in the worst mood. and it works every time. dejaentendu=♥

i havent seen ethan in 2 weeks, tomorrow. it makes me very upset. my sister said hes sick, they're all sick over there. but ethan just keeps getting older. hes a month and two weeks old. what a boy. <3

on a happier note, jody is 16. happy birthdayyyy<3 and i finally hung out with just claire and jody for the first time in aprox. one million years. oh, yeah, it was good. i miss it. and i really cannot wait til summer, when we can hang out under the pavillion and play cards and eat popcorn and gummy sharks.
but, i also just realized that this summer=the seniors are leaving. that is really hard to think about. me and jaci have become so close over the past few months, and the thought of her not being just a 5 minute drive away is really sad to think about.

hmmm...when did life have to get so complicated? it use to be so simple...

later, loves.

3 !_love?
oh, baybuh baybuh. [17 Feb 2006|01:38pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

meet ETHAN PATRICK FRANK.

my brand new nephewwww.
yeah, hes amazing.

1 !_love?
[05 Feb 2006|02:19pm]
[ mood | why do i always get like this ]

this weekend was amazing. labreah and bekah came down and it was so much fun. i miss them already.

but today is so stupid. i hate sundays. so muchhhh. i cant go down to liane and kat's because my parents are huge douchebags. and i dont have anything at all to do today that isn't homework. and then, labreah said that she probably isnt going to go to claire's bday party because it's on a sunday. i'm going to cry if that happens. it's the only reason i'm not as upset as i was last time they went back home.

and yesterday was really fun, except last night. like, it was fun, but it was really depressing. marty likes taylor so much, and the fact that she wasnt there put him into the worse mood. he bases his whole life and all of his feelings on whats happening between him and her and i dont think it's healthy. ugh, i always do this. i but my head into other people's lives and it's really none of my business. i suckkkkk.

i really wanted to see kat and liane today. i havent seen them in 10 days.

i miss my friends. jaci, danielle, marietta, sam, marissa. i hung out with them like, 3 weeks ago for like, every weekend for like 3 weekends, and i loved every minute of it. we always had so much fun. and now, i never get to hang out with any of them. i spend way too much of my life longing for more than what i have. the other day i made a list of 100 reasons why i suck. and they're all facts. and it's really depressing.

i miss claire too. we use to be best friends. now we're just barely close friends. i hate it.


i hate people. UGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG.

1 !_love?
and it hurts a whole lot, but is missed when it's gone... [16 Jan 2006|02:46pm]
[ mood | not good. ]

i feel like i'm losing my best friends. i've made so many new friends this year, so many good friends, but i've really pushed away a select few. i'm so upset right now, realizing this. i think i've known i've been doing this all along, but it just kinda hit me right now. i feel so terrible. i miss my best friends so much. i love them. i dont even know if what i'm typing makes sense, cause i'm not proof reading, and i'm not trying to make this sound good. i just need to get this out. i love my new friends. they're amazing. they're so beautiful, and i know they're there if i need them. i love them. but my best friends are always there for me, and i feel like they're not always there anymore, because i'm never with them. i dont want to push them away, because i love them so much, but for some reason, they're not there anymore. it hurts so much to see your best friend start to replace you.

i'm really content with the way that things are now, dont get me wrong. but i miss the way things use to be so much more than i accept the way things are right now. maybe thats what my whole life will be, cause thats how it seems to have been up until now; me being okay with the present, but always, always longing for the past.

when i see people with their best friends, i always get so jealous because i feel like i've completely fucked everything up, and i've lost mine. i never wanted this. you have to understand. this isn't what i wanted. this still isnt what i want.
i miss you guys. i do.

:-/

love?
and it hurts a whole lot, but is missed when it's gone... [16 Jan 2006|02:46pm]
[ mood | not good. ]

i feel like i'm losing my best friends. i've made so many new friends this year, so many good friends, but i've really pushed away a select few. i'm so upset right now, realizing this. i think i've known i've been doing this all along, but it just kinda hit me right now. i feel so terrible. i miss my best friends so much. i love them. i dont even know if what i'm typing makes sense, cause i'm not proof reading, and i'm not trying to make this sound good. i just need to get this out. i love my new friends. they're amazing. they're so beautiful, and i know they're there if i need them. i love them. but my best friends are always there for me, and i feel like they're not always there anymore, because i'm never with them. i dont want to push them away, because i love them so much, but for some reason, they're not there anymore. it hurts so much to see your best friend start to replace you.

i'm really content with the way that things are now, dont get me wrong. but i miss the way things use to be so much more than i accept the way things are right now. maybe thats what my whole life will be, cause thats how it seems to have been up until now; me being okay with the present, but always, always longing for the past.

when i see people with their best friends, i always get so jealous because i feel like i've completely fucked everything up, and i've lost mine. i never wanted this. you have to understand. this isn't what i wanted. this still isnt what i want.
i miss you guys. i do.

3 !_love?
[25 Dec 2005|09:50am]
[ mood | hatred. ]

so, uhh, i was gonna make a big picture entry...but instead, i'd just like to share this...

i hate christmas.

aiight, bye.

4 !_love?
you always amazed me, but thats the past. [11 Dec 2005|01:17pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
where is your spine?Collapse )

1 !_love?
you &me are like one heartbeat. [09 Dec 2005|09:41am]
[ mood | happy ]

i feel the need to update.
it's snowingggg!
sledding today with mah bffzzzz. love it.
uhh, probably get pictures from today and put them up.

i love snow, soooo much! ahhh...

11 !_love?
uhhhhh. [28 Nov 2005|07:54pm]
[ mood | drained ]

hey. livejournal is better than xanga.

so, this break has been rather good. i dont know, it kinda sucked at times, but i dont care.

thursday i went to my aunts house. it was boring, but i dont care.

firday i went to jody's house at like, 4 and then i slept over there. it was really fun. i have a bunch of pictures from it, but i'm so lazy. theres no chance of me doing crap right now. haha.

saturday i came home from jody's and went straight to kat's house. then, we went to her crappy church for 'fun' games night. it was crap. hahaha. oh, well. i have sweet pictures, mofos.
MAH!Collapse )

then, sunday i went to shelly's bday party. it was fun. have sweet pictures from that too, but still, too lazy for that crap.

today i went to the park city mall with austin and them's church. we were there for like, 7hours. sooooooooooooo boring. and i'm so tired. have some not so awesome pictures from today...but, yeah.

i'm tired. and i'm frustrated. latahhh!



ps. SAM IS MY HOMEBOY.

4 !_love?
i wanna hold your hand. [23 Nov 2005|07:18pm]
[ mood | i love being happy. ]

happy samjohn. :DCollapse )

to all of you who commented on my previous entry. thank you. i love you all. =)

8 !_love?
you only think about yourself. [16 Nov 2005|04:36pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

i'm a fucking bitch and i probably dont want you to read this...Collapse )

5 !_love?
[08 Nov 2005|06:53pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

guess what sam john is doing for her sixteenth birthday this friday!


absolutely nothing.



g'dang, i am lame.



my mom did get champagne for me, though.
should be super. :-/





ps. ohh, yeah. on a lighter note, if any of you have the new AP with AAR on the cover, im in it.

12 !_love?
asdfasdf [02 Nov 2005|08:58pm]
[ mood | content ]

big picture posttttCollapse )

4 !_love?
mahhhhhhhhhh, im an angry pizza. [23 Oct 2005|09:20pm]
[ mood | content ]

so, this has been a good weekend. i have the pictures to prove it!
blah, blah blah.Collapse )
peace out, jiggas.

9 !_love?
[13 Oct 2005|05:43pm]
[ mood | happy ]

this is my third attempt to make this livejournal entry. aldkfjasklfdjCollapse )

uhh, and PS. i love all my friends (lj, or real). so much. <3

3 !_love?
how quickly i forget that this is meaningless. [03 Oct 2005|08:52pm]
[ mood | in pain. ]

holla. i say its time for a real update because sam john = bored! so yeahhh, uh...i had one kick ass weekend! i will discuss it with you...NOW!

friday was the football game. it was really fun. i met a bunch of new faces and i had a swell time. i love me some new homies, not that my old ones are bad or anything...i just like expansion.

saturday i went over to kat and liane-izzle's house and it was so amazing. tyler put on this ninja suit and began dancing around the yard with a bamboo stick. then, he stood on his knees with shoes in front of them (so he appeared to be a midget-ninja) at the side of the road with his bamboo stick doing some crazy ass moves! he is awesome. he is my hero. and he is taking me to the circa show on friday, which i will talk more about later.

sunday i went to cody's band's ( www.myspace.com/astoryinsilence ) practice. they're actually good. it was quite a surprise, i must say. it was fun. i like them. the guys are so awesome. ahahaha, the bassist (paul) doesnt do ANYTHING all practice but play Super Mario World. i love that boy. then after practice, we (claire, cody, adam, &i) walked to cody's house and hung out there for like an hour. cody's 9th grade picture was nothing short of incredible. bowl cut, braces, silver chain necklace, bleached blonde hair, etc. so, then me and claire headed down to k-mart for a little bit of unexpected bird hunting. that son of a bitch.Collapse )
as you can probably tell (or not tell), that bird was a bitch, and it deserved to die. then we sat outside on the fun rides...that we didnt ride, cause we lacked the quarters. :( yeah, we be cool.Collapse )

RIGHT! i forgot. before k-mart, we went to WA-WA, and we were getting two chaco-taco's, and the barcode wasnt working, so the cashier guy was all 'fuck the system!' and he gave them to us for free. it was sweet. oh, yeah. claire exploded. not really, but she said to write it, cause shes' retarded. im foreal.

this brings me to today, which was pretty much....a day that happened. nothing out of the ordinary...except for ofcourse...CLAIRE EXPLODING AGAIN. not really...but! she DID get the circa tickets. ANTHONY GREEN HERE WE COME.

which brings me to talk of the future...meaning friday when im going with claire and tyler to see Circa Survive (and Mae). this is going to be amazing. we're getting taco bell too. be jealous. be VERY jealous.
so, this is pretty much directed to two people in particular, but if anyone else is interested...give me a holler. but, yeah. if you boys want anthony green authentic-ly signed...things, lemme know. im down for buying stuff for the good of your lives. yeah, i dont know. just anyone who can give me an excuse to be close to anthony, i'll do it. im foreal.

yeah, yeah. im done with this. later, lovessssss.

ps. today i did a cartwheel for the first time in my life. *beams with pride*

love?
the world has turned, and left me here. [29 Sep 2005|03:44pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

sometimes i really wish i was dead.
right now is a good example of that.

haven't had a bad day like this in a while.
who knew so many things could go wrong in a little less than 8 hours?

2 !_love?
[21 Sep 2005|07:41pm]
[ mood | content ]

i feel the need to update for you suckmonsters. life is good. extremely confusing, but good. school is also good. i mean, its pretty fun usually.
i burned the coolest cd ever yesterday. its collateral (shitty song by grace undermind...haha.) and sandstorm on repeat for like 77 minutes.
uhhhh, so, now the members of the former 'klan' are trying to become friends again. dont know how THAT ones gonna work, but i hope everything turns out for the best. i mean, their wanting to be friends with me and claire again really happened at a horrible time...we were just starting to adjust to not needing them and being friends with others. i really dont know whats gonna happen now, but im sure it will all work out for the best.
so, tomorrow we're having what is (hopefully) the first of many, monthly taco partys. its gonna be SWEET. you're invited. at jody's house, after school tomorrow.
wow, i just got my homeroom teacher's screen name. her away message is up and it reads:
leaving for AA's soccer game ttyl
if you need anything leave one

INCREDIBLE.
well, im done with this. i love you all. farewell.

ps. homecoming is...sometime? whos going?

2 !_love?
this isint real, and this isint happening. [10 Sep 2005|01:14pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

i hate people, and i dont understand how nothing at all can change everything at once. fuck it. what do i care, anyway?

anyway, yeah, i've been grounded from the internet and whatnot for a while. still am, but whatever. umm, i dont really feel that much in an update-y mood, but, im going to anyway. as far as i can remember.

okay, yesterday, was the football game/dance. went with maygen and jody. it was pretty fun. saw everyone i love. some people i hate, but whatever. then me and claire went to the dance. it was crazy fun. ronnie and justin are the best dancers this side of the mississippi. at one point, we were dancing in a tribal circle and going 'ay-ay-oh-ay-oh-oh-ya' to like a dance song, and ronnie just stops and starts rapping non-words to this crazy beat. i almost wet my pants. it was just SO incredible. i gotta get maygen a visitor's pass. then we'll have a crazy time next dance. haha, we so snuck into this one without paying, cause we only had an hour left in the dance cause we came so late, so we were like, screw this, we're not paying.

umm, thursday i rode my bike to claire's and we didnt really do anything productive at all except jump on the trampoline. oh, she cracked my back, too.

wednesday i rode my bike to the park after school, where me and jody played war. i lost, as usual. then claire came home from band and joined us. it was nice. i never hang out with the two of them anymore. then, jody left and me and claire stayed there til like 8.

tuesday...? i dont know. i dont really remembering it happening. along with monday. so lets just skip to

sunday was the rennisance (sp?) fair with claire and then i went to my cousin's 18th birthday party. i couldnt get home in time to go bowling with maygen and claire, so that sucked the big one. but, oh well.

saturday i think i hung out with claire or something? i dont know.

friday was the football game, which was okay. the one yesterday was better. even though we lost both times. our team friggin sucks.

okay...i have no idea what happened before that, and its not like you care anyway. umm...i havent worked in a while. i just talked to erik, and well, it turns out hes NOT mad at me, but it also turns out that i probably AM not gonna work again. WHATever. i didnt really like bussing. at all.
my sister's really preganant these days. its pretty sweet. shes due in early february/late january i think. maybe she'll be born on claires bday? that'd be cool. i just realized i said SHE! yeah, i dont know what it's gonna be, but i want a girl. osiris says she thinks its a girl, so yay. but a boy would be pretty sweet too. gahhh, i love that baby so much already. im gonna take a million pictures of it once its born and post them on here for all to see. yeah, but thats not for a while...umm, i dont really know what else to write about...

oh, tonight im going to a halfway house/august burns red/and we danced/other bands show with maygen and austin. should be fun (i hope). yeah, so im out of here. later, loves.

I LOVE YOU, ALL, SO MUCH.

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